Today was an interesting day. This probably more than crosses the line as an over share, but hey, this is my life.
We were out shopping for lamp shades in a very lovely showroom on Nantucket with Sam in tow. Sam, as he likes to do, suddenly up and disappeared. I saw him go out of my peripheral vision so he got about a 30 second head start on me.
I immediately left to find him. Fortunately, I had some friends to help me with the search. We ran through a tile room, a lighting room and then toward a room with plumbing apparatus and bath fixtures, all while calling Sam’s name.
On the way we passed an office. A woman called out to us, saying, “He’s in the showroom using the bathroom.” I thought, oh good, they have a bathroom in the showroom. But no, they did not have a bathroom in the showroom. What they did have was a toilet with Sam on top of it, connected to nothing at all. I arrived just as Sam was finishing what we will delicately call, “his business.”
One of my friends escorted Sam to the car while I stayed behind to assess the damage. It was considerable. I think everything Sam had eaten for the last month left his body in those last three minutes.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t consider shutting the toilet lid, slinking out of the showroom and leaving the mess behind, but I didn’t.
The owner came over. I explained the situation and he was nice about it, all things considered. One of his workers dragged the toilet outside and gave me some plastic gloves, a roll of paper towels, and a pile of plastic bags.
I tried my best to clean the toilet. All the while thinking of what I should do next. Offer to buy the toilet? Put it in my front yard as a planter?
The owner thanked me for being honest while saying this was the first time this had ever happened in their showroom. I told him it was a first for me too. Then he commented that other people would have left the mess behind and gotten out of there in a hurry. I confessed that I had considered doing exactly that, but my inner Catholic school girl prevented me from doing so.
I realized I had met him before: he was a friend of my cousin David’s. I was hoping he didn’t remember me, but of course he did.
And now I’m certain he will never forget me.